Working hard at NOT going there

After I went to an emergency dental appointment (had some major pain going on in there), I decided retail therapy was in order.  Actually, I wanted to get a few new things to wear but was really motivated after having my teeth attacked.  After having gained weight, I have been wearing a very small wardrobe selection.  There's been a refusal in me to buy new clothes, especially after I gave so many away last year when I had lost so much weight, convinced in my mind I wouldn't be here long.  It's very humbling to be in this space, that's for sure.  At the store, they were having a two-for-one sale on jeans but they didn't have my size for the second pair so we ordered it online for the same price.  In order to do so, we grabbed another pair of jeans to grab the tag numbers.  So, the sales clerk had a pair of jeans in my current size on the counter and had placed the pair she grabbed for the numbers right on top.  I realized that the pair on top just happened to be the smallest size I fit into when I got down to my lowest weight while doing Optifast.  Immediately, I started comparing the difference in the sizes.  But, I know people will be proud of me when I say that just as soon as those negative comparing thoughts came into my head, I banished them out.  They don't belong with me.  It doesn't do me any good to go there and I'm all about doing things to make myself feel good.

So I did buy a few things that I thought looked pretty nice on me.  There will be a day soon in the future when I can buy new clothes because mine are too big on my body.  For today, I refuse to get down on myself for being a human being trying to work on being healthier.  This is not something that has been easy for me because the emotions around my weight get the better of me, but I have such a huge circle of support and love surrounding me that I can't help but be grateful for every person who touches my life.  It doesn't matter if I know you in person or online, I really do feel your support and I cherish it so much.