Thursday, May 29, 2014

There is a really big reason I'm hating the upcoming summer

I'm in a bit of a foul mood today.  I own it and I'm not trying to wallow in it, but I just had to put it out there.  I went to Lane Bryant to find a top.  I have an event to attend on Sunday and so I wanted to see if they had anything there.  I've been recycling the same tops until I get into the next size down.  Lord have mercy, I can't wait until I can wave goodbye to LB.  Everything was either see-through, tank tops or sweaters, not to mention costing an arm and a leg.  I found a top and it fit fine, but it's just too sheer for my event and a tank top doesn't look right underneath it.  While I was there, I decided to try on some bathing suits.  That, my friends, is the really big reason I hate when summer arrives.  Normally, eight weeks off of work and a relaxing summer sounds lovely, but the very idea of sporting a bathing suit right now is completely unappealing to me.  Most of the bathing suits had built-in, padded, push-up bras or just some amazing contraption to squeeze the girls together.

As I looked in the mirror with the bathing suits I tried on, I just got really frustrated and mad.  I don't want to hang out by the pool or at the beach with my boobs on display.  Every single one of those damn suits did that to me.  I have been hit on quite a bit lately through my Twitter and Facebook accounts and I realized that I had profile pics with a revealing top on.  My friends are trying to convince me it's because of my smile and cute hair, but men tend to really like, ahem, prominent cleavage.  Besides that, I just really was unhappy with my arms, legs and belly in the bathing suits.  I finally just walked away and convinced myself that I would rather not subject myself to the stares I will get because of the boobs or because I will feel like the biggest one on the beach.  Yuck, I really did have a hard time with this because I can hear my negativity leaping off the computer screen.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will not be trying on bathing suits.  My dad is coming into town for a visit.  It's really a horrible time for me to host a visit because I have a lot going on at work and was planning on doing some work at home this weekend.  But, he is driving all the way in from Utah so the least I can do is be a good hostess.  Besides, I am looking forward to seeing him.  I just need to figure out how to relax.  I'm grateful my dad is still in my life, alive and well, so I'll take a visit any way I can get it.


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